Category: Paradigm

Shut Up, Make a Commitment, and Enjoy the Ride

My personal trainer told me not long ago that it’s necessary to shut up, make a commitment, and enjoy the ride.

He’s no simpleton. Darin Starr of Five Starr Physique is a thoughtful guy. So why does he seem to dismiss the inner reality of mindset and attitude and emotions and memories that can get in the way of success?

Isn’t he just another musclehead who doesn’t really think deeply?

Again, no. He’s merely pointing to a bottom line. At the end of the day, regardless of your inner process, if you want the physical results that come from proper diet and exercise, at some point you must actually eat right and exercise.

This is why I like the Fogg Behavioral Model (see TinyHabits.com). Tiny habits pave the way to just do it.

I Can’t Do Anything Right

I can’t do anything right!

These were the first words that came out of a recent client’s mouth at the start of a life coaching session.

You can’t do what right, specifically? I was relying on my NLP training (the good ole meta-model).

Well, he started a list, counting on his fingers and needing to recycle the process a few times. Like I said, I can’t do anything right. I can’t make my wife happy. Hell, I can’t even make myself happy. I don’t eat right. My appetite is out of control and no matter how I resolve to fix it, my gut has a mind of its own. 

I can’t do anything right. I can’t sleep. I can’t get up on time. I do make a lot of money, but I’m not satisfied, even though I’m in the top 5% of income earners. I tried practicing gratitude, but I can’t stick with it. I can’t do anything right! I can’t be consistent in anything…it’s like I can’t grow up. I’m a classic self-sabotager!

i cant do anything right

What would happen if you could do anything right?

The meta-model was still serving me well. If you can’t do anything right, then you must be – consciously or subconsciously – avoiding the outcomes with doing stuff right. Right?

I don’t know. My client sat back for the first time, contemplating.

If I could do things right, I guess I’d have to stop making excuses. I’d have to buck up and make some sacrifices. And stop complaining about things I don’t want to do.

And if you did that?

Well, I’d be much happier. Hm. I guess part of me doesn’t want to be very happy. I can’t do that right, either. 

He was stuck in a quandary. Give up self-indulgence, impatience, and doing whatever he felt like vs. growing up and exercising some self-discipline. And what about the claim: I can’t do anything right? It was starting to sound like a lie. You know, an excuse – playing the helpless card so that he’d be able to continue being as helpless as a child.

Are you willing to do things right?

You know, give up the helpless child story and make sacrifices. Eat disciplined. Exercise. Get up early and doing everything you can do sleep well. Start paying attention to your wife. Be a man. You see, even though you say – I can’t do anything right – you can. You’re just not willing. You have not decided to take that level of responsibility.

Instead of saying I can’t do anything right, start saying: I am not willing to do anything right. 

He sat back again, tilted his head back, and stared at me. He was trying to decide whether or not to get defensive and annoyed, writing me off as another life coach who didn’t know what the hell he was doing. I waited. He caved.

You’re on. I’ll just tell myself the truth from now on. What can it hurt? 

I never saw the man again, but I’ve often wondered if he kept it up, telling himself the truth about his little helplessness game. And if he did, what were the results? Did he step up and start putting in his best efforts? Or did he cave into self-indulgence and continue through life bitching about how incompetent he is?

This is the home of life design.

Welcome to Life Coach Architect: Life coaching style education for people who want to live consciously.

This is a site about designing your life according to your:

• Existential needs
• Criteria for satisfaction
• Life values
• Relationship needs
• Identify roles
• Goals
• Capabilities
• Belief systems
• Environment

When you take each of the above into consideration, different elements of your life architecture come into play. We’ll tackle these areas of life in a clear and simple format, so you can design your life with higher awareness and intelligence.

Don’t worry about who you’re not.

life coaching humor

Right? We need to design the lives we have, not some fantasy that involves being someone or something we’re not. To set the right direction, we should become aware of ourselves in an entirely new and honest way, letting go of social expectations and childhood beliefs.

In other words, we’re all about discovering who we are now and expanding from there. Ground yourself first, then begin to stretch.

Common distortions:

• Childhood beliefs
• Unhealthy relationships (boundaries)
• Self-sabotage (psychological attachments)
• Working out of order (like setting goals first)
• Denial – not knowing who we are
• Social expectations
• Impatience

And so on. So many things can get in our way. The solution is simple that we often imagine, however. We just need to take a deeper look. And that’s why Life Change Architect is here. We give you the tools to see.

It’s a whole new paradigm for getting what you want.

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