Category: Needs

Could unresolved grief be stopping my happiness?

Could I have unresolved grief?

I pondered this thought some time ago and even wrote about it at the iNLP Center. My life was full of good health. The job that I had was I was satisfying. A network of friends that I loved was surrounding me daily. I was happy with my life!

Then suddenly, I would go to work and find myself irritated. The irritation went from mild to severe. I then found myself angry and sad. I began thinking, “what in the world could be causing this to happen?” 

I spent day after day trying to find the solution. Then, as if by magic, I heard the answer loud and clear. The music overhead was on a playlist of about 20 songs that looped over and over during the eight hours I spent at work.

One of the songs I heard each day at work that brought back a memory I had during a bad break up a year or so before. Then, the song that played right after it was a song played at my cousin’s funeral. 

How I managed the unresolved grief

I realized a couple of things. I thought about how I never faced this unresolved grief and planned to resolve it. It then occurred to me that I had unintentionally created an attachment to the songs with a meaning that was not resourceful to me. 

I asked myself, “Could a song from my past honestly create these kinds of feelings?” The answer to this question is yes. We all experience life in our way. People attach meanings to their experiences intentionally and unintentionally. 

These attachments are called anchors. Once I recognized these anchors that I attached to the songs, I was able to make peace with the past, allowing the negative feelings of anger and sadness to go away. As a result, things significantly improved.

It is important to learn all you can about unresolved grief and how to properly manage it. Your irritation, anger, or sadness could be turned into happiness and fulfillment. All you must do is take the steps to learn how to and your world could be forever changed.

Giving Up On Finding a Woman? Good for You!

Dear Men,

If you’re giving up on finding a woman, you’re warming up to greater self-respect. And that self-respect has nothing to do with women. Let me ‘splain.

From a confident (and compassionate) man’s perspective, there is a right way and a wrong way to approach the opposite sex. Perhaps the first to mention it in the modern era is Sam Keen, author of the men’s bestseller Fire in the Belly.

It boils down to this: Most heterosexual men are looking for a woman to go with them on a journey when they should just go on the journey and see who they meet along the way.

Make sense? Here’s another way to say it:

Wrong

  1. Find a woman
  2. Figure out a direction in life you both agree on
  3. Begin your journey together

Right

  1. Figure out direction in life
  2. Get moving in that direction
  3. See who you meet along the way, including women

The wrong way is wrong for several reasons and if this has anything to do with why you’re giving up on finding a woman, good for you indeed! Get focused on where YOU are headed in life. As a man, there may be NO MORE IMPORTANT thing for you to figure out.

As you proceed in your individually chosen direction – toward your own goals – you will meet people along the way – people who support your direction. Statistics suggest:) that many of these people you meet along the way will be women. Other stats suggest some of these women will be single. See where this is going?

So, use your curiosity. Figure out YOURSELF before dragging someone else into your drama.

The Hardest Part of Parenting

The hardest part of parenting it’s not when your kids disobey you. It’s not watching them fail I’m picking up the pieces afterward.

Parenting isn’t difficult because it takes a lot of time cost a lot of money and requires sacrifice. Parenting is difficult because ultimately your children are going to reject you.

Psychologists call it individuation.  Most parents experience it as rejection.  For a child to grow into an adult, individuation is a critical phase. During that phase, your status as a parent is going to be downgraded in the eyes of your child.  There’s no escaping this downgrade.  And it’s going to hurt most likely.  But that’s okay, right?  After all, children need to grow up!

For the most part healthy parents sit back watch their children individuate cheering them on hoping for the best and supporting as much as they  dare.  In some cases however a child’s need to individuate takes them to dark places. 

It is in these examples that parents truly suffer.  The favored status you had with your child; whatever credibility you enjoyed is out the window.  Meanwhile, your children are viewing you as the enemy of their independence, well-being, success, and sometimes sanity.

It is during these times that many parents turn or return to therapy or life coaching.  In most cases what happens next is a simple reminder:  This happens to everyone. 

A life coach or counselor who practices the appropriate mindset for healers will be able to deliver the news gently and support the individuation process.

Even the best parents must learn to let go and set their children free.  Part of that process is recognizing that your parental wisdom is now seeing as tomfoolery by your beloved child.

And that’s how it works.

How Social Needs Can Make or Break your Life Plan

Humans are social beings with social needs.

Social needs must be met in order to experience satisfaction with life beyond basic survival and perceived safety. How we meet social needs can make or break any life design.

What are social needs?

Social needs are those needs met through relationships with other people. Here’s a list of common social needs:

• Love
• Belonging
• Acceptance
• Connection
• Support
• Companionship

If your social needs are confused, life design is limited.

Designing your life should be done with social needs in mind since social needs are a vital part of any well-adjusted life. However, when social needs are distorted or confused, the life design become distorted or confused.

Social needs are one of the support pillars of a life. When the support is contorted, the roof is compromised.

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